u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
These tits shall not be calmed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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