I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
