I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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