I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Semen is not good for contacts.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
