Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Are my feet made of real feet?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
