his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
