i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
