i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
