at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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