I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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