im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
