Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Boobs speak an international language.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
