I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
