as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
