M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
