she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
