I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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