TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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