I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
