Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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