thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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