She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
