I must be too annoying 4 u.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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