How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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