Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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