i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
