This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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