He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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