Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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