: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
