ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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