he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
