You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
