So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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