Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
