you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
