Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
