Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
