literally had 100 drinks last night.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
