so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
