whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
