So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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