i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
