It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
3pm strippers are depressing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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