do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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