hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
