im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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