He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
