We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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