just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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