her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
