And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
