Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
