Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
