hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
