the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize