I hate all girls vehemently.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
