Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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