Whod you bang
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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